Thinking about the universe and all of the endless possibilities we have right before our very eyes. What remarkable, huge, vast experiences out there we each have waiting for us to reach out and grasp hold of and live. It’s a truly mind blowing thought. For me anyway. We are each aware of the things meant for us but what do we do about it?
A few of us actually see our paths clearly and jump right in going after the whole package. Many see what our paths are, but stick to whatever is ” safe” in our lives. A few of us see our paths and work halftime to get where we want then quit when the terrain starts getting steep. Most of us are well, dreamers. Procrastinators all the way around of sorts. Then there’s me. I can actually admit that I have been all of the above.
What the hell happened with me? I am most definitely unique and have gone on all of my own paths, in mostly uncharted territory, every unbeaten path I could find. Still do, with not one regret. I guess in an odd sense, somewhere in my mind I just want to be immortal. Immortal by the definition according to Sigmund Freud. Freuds definition of immortality was: Being loved by many anonymous people.
My entire life all I have ever wanted to do was a make my mark on this world by making a small difference in this beautiful, chaotic, sometimes shitty life we live in. I’ve tried to do this by being good to people. Being empathetic. Standing up for the underdog. Being a voice. Giving my time and love to others. I’ve tried to make others see their worth, importance and beauty. I realize now, that I have spent a lifetime doing this because I never had those things in my life. I hate to see people feeling exactly those ways.
Earlier this year, I was really struggling. I decided to do a project to try to help myself understand my own value and wanted other women to do the same. It was a thirty day project and in the end, had over 200 people participating in it. It was a very spiritual, self realization journey for me personally. At the end of the project, I realized that indeed, I was wanting to be immortal by Freuds definition.
In the search of finding myself, it occurred to me that as messed up as my life had been, I had already been living immortally. All of the thanks, the hugs, the grateful tears, the surprised smiles, seeing people, beautiful, amazing people, with incredible stories, at their very worst being so humble and grateful for such small acts of kindness from a big fat nobody. Me.
I have seen the chain reaction my acts have caused. I have seen or spoken to a person once, one time and had 100 I love you sentences in return for payment. I am indeed a very wealthy, immortal person who just recently realized that I have been looking for something that’s been right in front of me my whole life.
I’m not trying to sound arrogant nor trying to brag. My point behind all of these words? We only get one life. Live it, love it, don’t sit idle without doing your part and last but not least, love yourself enough that you aren’t searching for the amazing person you want to be that’s right there – Inside of yourself.
Grab life by the balls and be your beautiful, unique self. Do everything that you are afraid of. Love people for everything they are. Not what they aren’t. Especially you. You are perfectly imperfect. You are worth it. You are loved. In fact, YOU ARE FUCKING IMMORTAL. ❤️
More love. Less hate. H