Today I want to address something that recently came to me in a whole new light. Fear.
We all have some at different levels. Fear of God. Fear of fire, water and people etc. I have agoraphobia. Sometimes really bad. I’m learning to balance when I find I am locking myself up. I am terrified of water. Fire just as bad. Then there are a whole other group of things I fear.
I fear emotion. I don’t want to hurt anymore. Yet I love people with all that I am.
I fear love and trust. Everytime I give in, I get burned. Really burned.
I fear being alone yet at times, I can’t sit in a room of people. I panic and meltdown.
I fear that I am indeed not entitled to be loved. As I am a mess and deserve be alone. Totally unlovable.
I fear that I am not enough. All I have ever wanted to do was make a difference in this shitty world. Have I done that? I think not.
You get the point. I got to thinking about all my own fears and I came to the conclusion that they are indeed valid. They help make me who I am…but just as many things in this life, we have 2 categories we purchase from. All natural and man made.
It occurred to me that many of the specific things I fear, are man made. I didn’t choose them. They were planted in my mind and thoughts by cheap remanufactured souls whose only path in life was to suck other people dry because they knew no other way themselves. These people don’t know real love. They don’t value their very being because someone did to them, what they did to me. How very sad. I know how miserable it has been for me. I often wonder what things they have encountered in their lives to make them behave like they do.
My emotions aren’t some cheap knock off that can be thrown aside and stepped on. I’m the real deal! So how come I have allowed myself to fall in to the trap of buying and settling for things that would potentially destroy my very being? That’s a good question. How did I get here?
This is where man-made fear comes in for me. Earlier when I introduced this subject, I named a few fears we all may have. Fear of God and consequences.. that’s a natural fear we have because of our belief. We fear natural consequences such as falling out of a tree. Then, I also named the other group. The personal group. The things that terrify ME. These things are not because of natural consequences. Every one of those fears were pounded into my very being by another human. I didn’t realize it was even happening until it was too late.
I let another human push me into buying their”version” of these emotions. I’m better than all of these feelings and I am working on validating my own worth but the straight up fact is those things were never someone elses to mess with.
We are born into this world with a clean blank canvas. Our lives to be drawn in a little at a time. One should be able to paint their own masterpiece without any outside interference. Unfortunately, that’s not so. Everything in our lives influence our canvas. During my own life, I started feeding into the negative cheap knock off version of myself to survive. I tucked all things important or sacred to me in a place where they would be safe and I could one day release them. One day has been a lifetime. I stayed in vicious ugly cycles because I didn’t see what the real beauty and life tucked away for protection was worth.
I fed into the shit thrown at me by my father that I was to be seen and not heard. I was worthless. Not even worth acknowledging.
I fed into the fear of being myself because I was punished for it. I fear love and being loved because another human thought love meant hurting the only person who believed in you was the way to make them stay.
I fed into the bullshit I am not loveable. I’m not worth fighting for. I fed into the idea that physical violence was normal. I bought a bunch of stock that was garbage!
Today I am going to list every fear that has been man made in my life and I am going to burn it. I’m going to burn it and as it does, I am going to say goodbye to those things. I am going to feel anger and hurt. I’m going to cry. Then I am going to breathe in and exhale the last of all the fear put into me by another. Forever. It’s time to sell all this negative stock and take charge of all things inside of myself.
I will continue to fear the normal, natural things in life but all this man made bullshit- well it’s gotta go. I’m worth it. You are worth. I’m challenging you to do the same. Dump that shit shoved at you and invest in the real deal. YOU. ❤️
The moral of the story here? Why buy a cheap knock off man made leather jacket when with a little work, you could have the real deal? Food for thought my friends.
Please, join me. List something that you fear brought into your life by another. Tell me what you will say to it as you toss away and breath in a whole new thought. This change won’t happen instantly but if you keep pushing back you will find your peace. I’m counting on it and looking forward to it myself.
More Love. Less Hate. H