Hailees Daily Dose Let’s Talk Borderline Personality Disorder

Borderline personality disorder affects approximately two percent of adults. It can manifest as mood instability, difficulty with interpersonal relationships, and high rates of self-injury and suicidal behavior.

Definition

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and an individual’s sense of identity.

People with BPD, originally thought to be at the “border” of psychosis and neurosis, suffer from difficulties with emotion regulation. While less well known than schizophrenia or bipolar disorder, BPD affects two percent of adults. People with BPD exhibit high rates of self-injurious behavior, such as cutting and, in severe cases, significant rates of suicide attempts and completed suicide. Impairment from BPD and suicide risk are greatest in the young-adult years and tend to decrease with age. BPD is more common in females than in males, with 75 percent of cases diagnosed among women.

Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a serious mental illness characterized by pervasive instability in moods, interpersonal relationships, self-image, and behavior. This instability often disrupts family and work life, long-term planning, and an individual’s sense of identity.

People with borderline personality disorder often need extensive mental health services and account for 20 percent of psychiatric hospitalizations. Yet, with help, many improve over time and are eventually able to lead productive lives.

Symptoms

A person with borderline personality disorder may experience intense bouts of anger, depression, or anxiety that may last only hours or, at most, a few days. These may be associated with episodes of impulsive aggression, self-injury, and drug or alcohol abuse. Distortions in thoughts and sense of self can lead to frequent changes in long-term goals, career plans, jobs, friendships, identity, and values. Sometimes people with BPD view themselves as fundamentally bad or unworthy. They may feel bored, empty, or unfairly misunderstood or mistreated, and they have little idea who they are. Such symptoms are most acute when people with BPD feel isolated or lacking in social support, and they may result in frantic efforts to avoid being alone.
-Psycology Today @ 2019

In my case, I meet 8 of the 9 criteria, some being exaggerated. Because of my age, my symptoms are a little different than described but not every case is the same as in most health / mental health issues. For me, this disorder is caused by a lifetime of trauma.

Here are the criteria.

  1. Frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behaviour covered in criterion 5.
  2. A pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
  3. Identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
  4. Impulsivity in at least 2 areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behaviour covered in criterion 5.
  5. Recurrent suicidal behaviour, gestures or threats, or self-mutilating behaviour.
  6. Affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
  7. Chronic feelings of emptiness.
  8. Inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights).
  9. Transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms.
    -nihm.gov 2018

    I have a lot of work to do. The average time to figure out the tools and implement them, is 1 year. However, I have a lifetime of habbits and thinking errors that I need to change. I also need to get the fixation of self harming and wanting to die under control.
    There’s nothing hard. It’s basic, every day common things. It’s a matter of noticing that I am in trouble before I get in too deep.

    I am really disturbed that I have learned to disassociate myself from incidents and periods during high stress. I seem to have very extended times of “lows” weeks and months, not hours or days. Although I feel crazy, I am far from it. No multiple personalities etc… I get set off and I lose it. The funny thing is, I am a sweet, fun, funny , beautiful, smart woman 90% of the time. The dark side however, at this minute is in control. I don’t recognize the way I am described by my family. That’s not me….oh, but it is.

    I love people and life. I believe in hope and that most people are genuinely good. I also can’t stand those very things. As much as I love my family, some days, I can’t stand them or people in general. Sadly the phrase “We always hurt the ones we love the most” has whole new meaning in my life.

    I am currently in personal therapy, psychotherapy, BPD groups, DBT groups and AA. Why AA? Because people who have BPD are prone to crave their weaknesses. Mine is alcohol, self harm and suicidal tendencies. I can’t drive much because of the pseudo seizures. My anxiety is so high that I barely manage to get througb the grocery store without breaking into a full anxiety attack. Sweating and all. The MDD and PTSD are out of control. I sleep in 20-30 minutes increments. I find myself angry and crying, tearing my house apart, but I can’t stop it, let alone understand or control it. Sometimes I don’t remember a damn thing that has happened. What a mouthful to swallow.
    Brain overload.
    Mind blower.
    How ever you want to term it, that’s how I feel.

    I also feel transparent. I am afraid to go out into the world because I feel like all of my ugly and flaws just eek out for others to see. I feel ugly, fat, useless and worthless. I have been reliving dreams and going back to eating disorders. How much can one take? I guess time will tell. For now, I am trying to accept myself and understand and trust others so I can get well.

    If you have BPD or self help advice, please share! I need to learn everything about it and would love to hear about your experiences.

    You are an amazing, beautiful human. Together, we can do this. ❤️

    More Love. Less Hate. H

Published by: sarcastic sadi

I love life, believe in hope, love and the belief that most people are genuinely good. I am a fighter. I am a survivor. I am strength. I am fear. I am an open book. I keep it real

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